Needy

i don't know what is it but i can't figure out why i become so needy. Sir says it's fine and that He loves when i act all needy, but i DO NOT like it. To me it shows absolutely no self control. But i can't help it. Sometimes it feels like i'm going to loose him which is something that will kill me if i do. He's the best.

When W/we saw each other last week i got my punishment, which came out of no where and some limits were broken because He forgot and also a headache before the face slapping. Nothing but disaster in the mix but Sir took care of me afterwards and apologized and held me until i stopped shaking. Then W/we parted ways to get back to our normal lives then it hit me like a brick. I WAS ON DYING NEED OF MY SIR. i tried calling and texting Him with no luck. i needed Him so bad that i cried for two days. i needed Him to pick up those pieces. Then i did something that i thought i'd stop doing......i self harmed... Something i know Sir would be truly mad about but i know it would be a red flag to Him and He'd take me more seriously. It got His attention alright but not the kind that i wanted....well kind of. However now i have two more punishments coming to me and so well needed alone time with Him. i'm SO looking forward to the alone time but i have to endure punishment time first. Which is something i'm good at because i don't cry or flinch which shocked Sir but this time he may bump it up a notch to make me scream and cry....

As i lay here and write this... i need him. its been almost four days since we had a real conversation. I just want Him near me...to hold me and inside of me. i love Him...something that i haven't expressed to Him. i don't think its the time to do it now.

Question: subs/slaves/ and everything in between how do you deal with neediness and things that i have described above?