i don't know what is it but i can't figure out why i become so needy. Sir says it's fine and that He loves when i act all needy, but i DO NOT like it. To me it shows absolutely no self control. But i can't help it. Sometimes it feels like i'm going to loose him which is something that will kill me if i do. He's the best.
When W/we saw each other last week i got my punishment, which came out of no where and some limits were broken because He forgot and also a headache before the face slapping. Nothing but disaster in the mix but Sir took care of me afterwards and apologized and held me until i stopped shaking. Then W/we parted ways to get back to our normal lives then it hit me like a brick. I WAS ON DYING NEED OF MY SIR. i tried calling and texting Him with no luck. i needed Him so bad that i cried for two days. i needed Him to pick up those pieces. Then i did something that i thought i'd stop doing......i self harmed... Something i know Sir would be truly mad about but i know it would be a red flag to Him and He'd take me more seriously. It got His attention alright but not the kind that i wanted....well kind of. However now i have two more punishments coming to me and so well needed alone time with Him. i'm SO looking forward to the alone time but i have to endure punishment time first. Which is something i'm good at because i don't cry or flinch which shocked Sir but this time he may bump it up a notch to make me scream and cry....
As i lay here and write this... i need him. its been almost four days since we had a real conversation. I just want Him near me...to hold me and inside of me. i love Him...something that i haven't expressed to Him. i don't think its the time to do it now.
Question: subs/slaves/ and everything in between how do you deal with neediness and things that i have described above?
Friday, November 16, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Meeting my Dom
Today i have never been so happy. I got a chance to meet my Sir today!!!! Finally
I forgave him for the other day, but yesterday i rebelled because of it. So now i had two punishments to get. I got one of them today. However before i get into that let me tell you it from the beginning.
It all happened outside on a picnic table in a remote area. I got out of the car and so did He. He lit up a cigarette and we started talking. I kept starting at Him because it was finally happened. A few minutes later He threw His cigarette down and pulled me close to Him. We started kissing. I didn't care if He tasted like cigarettes, i just wanted him in my mouth. He sat down on the table and pulled me close to Him. It felt so good; Him holding me.He slipped His hand underneath my dress and started to finger me. Gosh i never really knew how deep i was until Him. He was right on top of my g-spot. I could feel myself about to squirt all over the place so i held it in.
I begged Him to cum and He let me. But it didn't comes easy the other times. We kissed a lot more while he fingered me. Then he pulled my breast out and bit my nipples. Both of them. Really really hard. I was on my tippy toes when He was doing it.
He told me to get on my knees and i thought i would be sucking His cock. Wrong. It was punishment time. He looked in my eyes and asked me if i were ready. I told Him Yes, Sir. And then BAM!!!! He smacks me across my face. I was not expecting that. I thought i was going to get a spanking and call it a day. I guess he forgot that earlier in the day i told him i had a headache.
The first time He sit me i couldn't hear or comprehend anything. He asked me why did i disobey His order and out right tell Him "NO i wasn't going to do it" with and attitude. He hit me again. And everything was fuzzy. But i still kept my gaze on Him. He was saying something else but i couldn't make it out After a couple of more hit, He held my face and asked me if i were okay. I said yes. He said then Why are you shaking. i couldn't answer that.
I guess he forgot hitting me in my face was a limit but i was so out of it i couldn't stop Him. I think i was scared but wasn't sure. I kept shaking so He pulled me close and i think i started to pull away. He held me close and said "I may be an asshole during play but i will take care of you when were done". And he did. He kissed my face then me.
I got fingered a little more then He told me to take my panties off. I did and He told me to spread my legs. He put them in me and it hurt so bad. I have to keep them in until I'm ready to go to bed. He kissed me and sent me on my way.
I got home and He asked me how it felt and I told Him it hurt really bad and i was cramping so He let me take them out.
Gosh as im sitting here writing im thinking about Him so much. I want to be with Him now. Feel his hand on me. I miss him. :/ Well i guess ill go and write this paper i thats due tomorrow. Sir expects me to have it done by tonight and i have to send it to Him. After today i dont ever want to have a punishment like that....lol or maybe i do.
~Hispreciousslave~
I forgave him for the other day, but yesterday i rebelled because of it. So now i had two punishments to get. I got one of them today. However before i get into that let me tell you it from the beginning.
It all happened outside on a picnic table in a remote area. I got out of the car and so did He. He lit up a cigarette and we started talking. I kept starting at Him because it was finally happened. A few minutes later He threw His cigarette down and pulled me close to Him. We started kissing. I didn't care if He tasted like cigarettes, i just wanted him in my mouth. He sat down on the table and pulled me close to Him. It felt so good; Him holding me.He slipped His hand underneath my dress and started to finger me. Gosh i never really knew how deep i was until Him. He was right on top of my g-spot. I could feel myself about to squirt all over the place so i held it in.
I begged Him to cum and He let me. But it didn't comes easy the other times. We kissed a lot more while he fingered me. Then he pulled my breast out and bit my nipples. Both of them. Really really hard. I was on my tippy toes when He was doing it.
He told me to get on my knees and i thought i would be sucking His cock. Wrong. It was punishment time. He looked in my eyes and asked me if i were ready. I told Him Yes, Sir. And then BAM!!!! He smacks me across my face. I was not expecting that. I thought i was going to get a spanking and call it a day. I guess he forgot that earlier in the day i told him i had a headache.
The first time He sit me i couldn't hear or comprehend anything. He asked me why did i disobey His order and out right tell Him "NO i wasn't going to do it" with and attitude. He hit me again. And everything was fuzzy. But i still kept my gaze on Him. He was saying something else but i couldn't make it out After a couple of more hit, He held my face and asked me if i were okay. I said yes. He said then Why are you shaking. i couldn't answer that.
I guess he forgot hitting me in my face was a limit but i was so out of it i couldn't stop Him. I think i was scared but wasn't sure. I kept shaking so He pulled me close and i think i started to pull away. He held me close and said "I may be an asshole during play but i will take care of you when were done". And he did. He kissed my face then me.
I got fingered a little more then He told me to take my panties off. I did and He told me to spread my legs. He put them in me and it hurt so bad. I have to keep them in until I'm ready to go to bed. He kissed me and sent me on my way.
I got home and He asked me how it felt and I told Him it hurt really bad and i was cramping so He let me take them out.
Gosh as im sitting here writing im thinking about Him so much. I want to be with Him now. Feel his hand on me. I miss him. :/ Well i guess ill go and write this paper i thats due tomorrow. Sir expects me to have it done by tonight and i have to send it to Him. After today i dont ever want to have a punishment like that....lol or maybe i do.
~Hispreciousslave~
Friday, November 2, 2012
Punishment out the Gate
Well tomorrow i get to see Sir and i really don't want to. I'm getting a spanking right out the gate. Yes i have forgotten to send Him pictures that He requested for and because of that i'm getting a spanking.....not with His hand....with His belt. i'm a little scared now. Its not going to be easy..i have to endure 50 hits. i am really scared. i know it will really hurt but he said that after i will learn then He's going to fuck the shit out of me.
That being said i cant wait. i'll give you and update tomorrow..if i can sit down and do it.
That being said i cant wait. i'll give you and update tomorrow..if i can sit down and do it.
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