Needy

i don't know what is it but i can't figure out why i become so needy. Sir says it's fine and that He loves when i act all needy, but i DO NOT like it. To me it shows absolutely no self control. But i can't help it. Sometimes it feels like i'm going to loose him which is something that will kill me if i do. He's the best.

When W/we saw each other last week i got my punishment, which came out of no where and some limits were broken because He forgot and also a headache before the face slapping. Nothing but disaster in the mix but Sir took care of me afterwards and apologized and held me until i stopped shaking. Then W/we parted ways to get back to our normal lives then it hit me like a brick. I WAS ON DYING NEED OF MY SIR. i tried calling and texting Him with no luck. i needed Him so bad that i cried for two days. i needed Him to pick up those pieces. Then i did something that i thought i'd stop doing......i self harmed... Something i know Sir would be truly mad about but i know it would be a red flag to Him and He'd take me more seriously. It got His attention alright but not the kind that i wanted....well kind of. However now i have two more punishments coming to me and so well needed alone time with Him. i'm SO looking forward to the alone time but i have to endure punishment time first. Which is something i'm good at because i don't cry or flinch which shocked Sir but this time he may bump it up a notch to make me scream and cry....

As i lay here and write this... i need him. its been almost four days since we had a real conversation. I just want Him near me...to hold me and inside of me. i love Him...something that i haven't expressed to Him. i don't think its the time to do it now.

Question: subs/slaves/ and everything in between how do you deal with neediness and things that i have described above?

Meeting my Dom

Today i have never been so happy. I got a chance to meet my Sir today!!!! Finally

I forgave him for the other day, but yesterday i rebelled because of it. So now i had two punishments to get. I got one of them today. However before i get into that let me tell you it from the beginning.

It all happened outside on a picnic table in a remote area. I got out of the car and so did He. He lit up a cigarette and we started talking. I kept starting at Him because it was finally happened. A few minutes later He threw His cigarette down and pulled me close to Him. We started kissing. I didn't care if He tasted like cigarettes, i just wanted him in my mouth. He sat down on the table and pulled me close to Him. It felt so good; Him holding me.He slipped His hand underneath my dress and started to finger me. Gosh i never really knew how deep i was until Him. He was right on top of my g-spot. I could feel myself about to squirt all over the place so i held it in.

I begged Him to cum and He let me. But it didn't comes easy the other times. We kissed a lot more while he fingered me. Then he pulled my breast out and bit my nipples. Both of them. Really really hard. I was on my tippy toes when He was doing it.

He told me to get on my knees and i thought i would be sucking His cock. Wrong. It was punishment time. He looked in my eyes and asked me if i were ready. I told Him Yes, Sir. And then BAM!!!! He smacks me across my face. I was not expecting that. I thought i was going to get a spanking and call it a day. I guess he forgot that earlier in the day i told him i had a headache.

The first time He sit me i couldn't hear or comprehend anything. He asked me why did i disobey His order and out right tell Him "NO i wasn't going to do it" with and attitude. He hit me again. And everything was fuzzy. But i still kept my gaze on Him. He was saying something else but i couldn't make it out After a couple of more hit, He held my face and asked me if i were okay. I said yes. He said then Why are you shaking. i couldn't answer that.

I guess he forgot hitting me in my face was a limit but i was so out of it i couldn't stop Him. I think i was scared but wasn't sure. I kept shaking so He pulled me close and i think i started to pull away. He held me close and said "I may be an asshole during play but i will take care of you when were done". And he did. He kissed my face then me.

I got fingered a little more then He told me to take my panties off. I did and He told me to spread my legs. He put them in me and it hurt so bad. I have to keep them in until I'm ready to go to bed. He kissed me and sent me on my way.

I got home and He asked me how it felt and I told Him it hurt really bad and i was cramping so He let me take them out.

Gosh as im sitting here writing im thinking about Him so much. I want to be with Him now. Feel his hand on me. I miss him. :/ Well i guess ill go and write this paper i thats due tomorrow. Sir expects me to have it done by tonight and i have to send it to Him. After today i dont ever want to have a punishment like that....lol or maybe i do.

~Hispreciousslave~  

Punishment out the Gate

Well tomorrow i get to see Sir and i really don't want to. I'm getting a spanking right out the gate. Yes i have forgotten to send Him pictures that He requested for and because of that i'm getting a spanking.....not with His hand....with His belt. i'm a little scared now. Its not going to be easy..i have to endure 50 hits. i am really scared. i know it will really hurt but he said that after i will learn then He's going to fuck the shit out of me.

That being said i cant wait. i'll give you and update tomorrow..if i can sit down and do it.

1 week

i am really excited. I have to wait just one more week to see Sir and i am really happy. He makes me feel so alive. Every time W/we talk on the phone or text or anything that involves Him i get tingles all over my body; especially that one sacred place that is His. *blushing* 

i couldn't hold it in i had to write it down and shout it to the world. lol

The Start to the End to the Start Again.

Some of my close friends that i talk to ask me how i became to love the kinky side of life...you know what i tell them? Its always been there. Ever since i was little my mom use to catch me humping everything, or i always had something in my mouth sucking on it...(the things i suck on now). 

But i think i was 17 when i found my first Dom. yes i know a year under age but who cares...in some cases the laws are different. He was about 30ish and boy was He charming. He kept a book of some of the girls that he trained or a video or two here and there. I though He could be the one to bring the real me to the surface. In the beginning he was really firm but gentle at the same time. He was ALL about business. Months down the line, He started to get really aggressive. I mean going beyond certain limits. He said it was showing how devoted I was to Him and that if He didn't do those things to me then i wasn't pleasing Him. 

I believed it and i continued to come back. Well let me tell you Sir was not so gentle underneath. He was abusive. There were days where he would beat me senseless or unconscious. I have permanent marks from it. I don't think ill ever recover from it. This was about three years ago..

The lesson here is look out for warning signs. If you have a gut feeling that says get the hell out of there then you listen and get the hell out of there. High tail it...never go back because above all...you are the only one that can truly understand what you need...(besides that one true Dom that won't abuse his power but will use it to make you a stronger person and a stronger submissive/slave.